My days begin early, often before 5am…sometimes they seem to never have a healthy beginning or end. God created day and night, but often I can’t quite grasp these manageable portions of time I long for because I have a few sons who don’t sleep well at night. I’m sure one day they will. But for now, I’m tired. A lot.
Our days are filled with constant activity. By noon, sometimes sooner, I can feel myself slipping into a place where my thought life becomes my hiding place. And there, I find it easy to carry on a monologue with myself. “You didn’t get any sleep last night. This is going to be a bad day. It sure didn’t start well. I’m going to let everyone around me know how unfair this is and then I’ll feel justified in being crabby today. Yep, I’m sinking in to mySELF and I’m just going to rest there for the day because nothing here could possibly turn this day around.”
Can you hear how negative that self talk is? Have you ever said any of those things to yourself?
Some days I do manage to get a bit more sleep, but maybe I’m just overwhelmed by all there is to do, the kids are fighting all day, no one is listening to me and I’m feeling like I just can’t possibly take another second of this day. What happened? Where did it go wrong? Where did I go wrong? On those days, I do want to run and hide. I feel consumed, crushed and all together desperate to run away. I don’t feel like standing up or fighting. I just want to disappear. Not forever, just long enough to find some peace, some perspective maybe and even some quiet….where I can breathe and not be needed.
Notice the needs here: peace, perspective, quiet pause, freedom, refreshing. All good things. In my mind, I tell myself that I’m a mom. My children, my family…they are my first and most important ministry, my high calling. If I were a mother worthy of her calling, why would I need to get away? I should be able to stand up and do this life….to walk this road and not fall down. So you see how the guilt and self condemnation can be heaped right on top of all of it.
But God tells us over and over again…that ultimately, the one and only thing that will ever satisfy that desperate need to run and hide…is our One and Only. I realize now, that it’s only when I haven’t spent time with God, that my get-up-and-fight is gone and I become a desperate flight risk. And in those desperate moments, because I’ve let myself get that far off track by not spending time with God…I become completely focused on my circumstances instead of on Jesus.
But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you. 2 Corinthians 4:7-12
I mentioned there are times when I feel crushed. I do. But I never feel that way when I’m seeking Jesus. I want to be all in, sold out to Him, never again straying or going a single day without chasing Him.
So the question becomes, WHY do we want to run and hide? And if we do, where will we go? It’s the incredible need to feel different that makes me want run to the nearest coffee shop alone, spend the whole day away taking care of me or even just sit in my car alone somewhere for a couple of hours. To feel different; something other than the current feeling that is pulling me down. Moms, isn’t that what drives us all to want to escape for a while? To just feel something different? But all of those fear-based, back-against-the-wall attempts at finding any lasting satisfaction by running away will only breed more hopelessness.
Every single time we want to run for the door, there’s a door number two just waiting to be opened that simply says: JESUS. All we have to do is choose it. In Ephesians 5:18 we’re instructed to “…not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit,” Yes, there is a literal meaning here when it comes to drunkenness, but I also believe God is telling us not to run to unwise things that that will only make us feel different, temporarily. We want lasting Peace and a Hope that’s hear to stay. We can feel different when we choose to be filled with the Spirit, when we choose Jesus. For those who receive Christ into their hearts, there is one indwelling of the Holy Spirit that lasts for all time. But according to the original Greek translation, to be filled means we “keep on being filled constantly and continually”. Sounds like something we need to do every single day…no matter what!
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This week when we want to feel something different, instead of running for the escape door. let’s choose to be filled with the Spirit by choosing the proverbial door that is Jesus. Making time to be with Him daily won’t happen by accident, but when we bring even this to God, He will show us how to intentionally be filled with the Spirit. Let’s continue encouraging one another here and share ways we can constantly and continually turn to Jesus in the midst of our circumstances. Praying for each one of you here.
Week Five Links:
- Monday: Stacey’s video message
- Wednesday: This post
- To see all of the posts for this study so far, you can view them here.
Megan thank you for sharing again today. You write so honestly which I love because it is exactly how I feel so often. I am so glade that we are not alone in all of this. We have a God who is passionately pursuing us, and we also have each other to be refreshed by. Many blessings to you!
Meaghan, AMEN!!!! So thankful our God so passionately pursues us and sends us the right people at the right time to refresh our souls. He cares about all the details….big and small, it all matters to Him. Thankful for you, my friend.
There is door number 2–I like that. I too have to fight my thought life and the nasty thoughts the enemy puts there. Thank you for sharing your heart again and mamas–be blessed:)
Jennifer, I feel like the enemy is constantly hanging a neon sign over the door that leads to temporary fulfillment land. It looks attractive and what lies on the other side might be good in and of itself, but giving way to it in the context of feeling desperate for something different when we’re not already filled to the measure by what God has behind door number 2….won’t ultimately be what we need. This is such a good reminder to myself as well…that trap door catches me more often than I wish.
You all are filling this momma’s heart with such encouragement. This place feels like part of what lies on the other side of door number 2. Thank you for being here and being a part of the blessing God has for all of us here together.
Thank you. I needed this reminder this morning. I need to be still and know that He is God and choose to run to Him instead of hiding in a book, on the computer, etc. when life is overwhelming me {daily}. Thank you, this series has been such a blessing to me!
We all need this reminder….myself included…over and over again. I’m so glad you are being blessed here too. I can relate with finding those temporary hiding places even in my own home. So thankful Jesus is right there too…waiting for us.
You know I love that verse {2 Corinthians 4:7-12} it reminds me of the great exchange we have available to us! Our weary for the power of His Spirit.
Beautiful my friend!
Stacey,
I’ve always loved that Scripture too. Today, the last part…”So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.” really made me think about all the ways that God uses and redeems our struggles…even the ones that cause us to die to our SELVES so that He might use it to work life-giving miracles in others…even in the mundane of our daily lives with those He has placed closest to us.
Thankful you mentioned this Scripture back to me today as it caused me to go re-read it again early this morning and meditate on it throughout the day. Love how God works!
Encouraging words well written!
I know they made a difference in my day today – thank you!
Sweet blessings to you Annette. Thank you and thankful for God’s mercy and grace on your day.
I can so relate to the feeling of needing to run away and hide. When life gets tough that’s what i want to do, run get away from it, forget I have any problems and responsibilities……….I love th reminder instead of trying to run from my hard moments to run to Jesus instead!!!!! I so needed this……I am enjoying and being encouraged by this book study……thank you for sharing and blessings to each of you!!!
Melissa,
I often feel like trading my hard moments and difficult circumstances for a few moments of ease. In my mind I always justify it as a needed break. But lately God is convicting me of a heart issue that He is definitely working on. In those hard moments, if my attitude is ugly or my heart is filled with pride or some other sin, and I’m trying to run away…then no amount of hiding will carry me away from what I am trying to run from. It might provide temporary relief, but God will bring me right back to my trouble because He is always most concerned with the heart. But, when I really try to seek Him in the midst of my circumstance and allow Him to work in my heart, those breaks that come are divine in nature and truly to refresh my soul.
Melissa, I’m so glad you’re here with us. Praying for you today.
Megan, I love how you talk about our desperate need to run and how we are like flight risks in our pursuit of escaping! Call it human nature or a mommas’ instinct, but I can relate to the fight or flight scenario. Sometimes staying just seems too hard. But it’s in staying that I have started to realize that He is there, waiting for me, with open arms. There, will I find the ultimate peace. God bless!
Amen, Angie! I love what you say here…”it’s in the staying that I have started to realize that He is there, waiting for me, with open arms.” Absolutely! Praying you’ll experience that Peace that passes all understanding today. Blessings to you too.
Thank you for sharing this! I love the thought of hiding IN Jesus- of resting in Him. I find that sometimes my biggest challenges occur on days when I HAVE spent time in the Word, which is why hiding in Him needs to be a continual thing!!!
Becky, on those days when you have spent time in the Word, YOU are a real threat to the enemy! I know exactly what you mean when you say that those days present your biggest challenges. There is spiritual warfare going on. I, too, need to be reminded (all the time) to “be filled”….continually. Choosing to spend time with Jesus every single day is how we STAY prepared and ready for the daily battles we encounter. When I am sporadic with “putting on the full armor of God” (which is another choice) and being filled, my defenses to the enemy are way down.
Praying that we will be ready by choosing to put on our battle gear and allow God to fill us to overflowing by spending time with Him today!
It feels like you took my thoughts out of my head and wrote them on this post. Especially today. I struggle almost daily with thoughts of “different.” I get so worn out being home, stuck in the house, tending to others’ needs. But then the guilt settles in and I think “wow, you are not a good mom if you always want to run.”
Unfortunately, I have not figured out how to carve out 5, 10, 30 minutes of my day for God and I to talk. Reading my Bible is always there in my head, but there never seems to be a quiet, alone moment that I can get to it. By the time I collapse into my bed, I can barely focus. How do you squeeze it in? Any ideas on that? And, how do you choose what to read each day?
I agree with you though…the days I do find the time to read, and pray, I do have immensely better days!!! If I could just get “out of myself” long enough to remember to call on my Father, things would be exponentially better!
Jami, I didn’t want you to think I wasn’t responding…love what you say here and I really want to discuss this more. Heading out the door now, but will catch up with you later on today. Praying for your time with Jesus today.
I so needed to hear this today. Thank you for posting.
Thank you Steph! So thankful you are here walking with us. Praying for you today, that your heart will experience His presence and Peace as you seek Him, our Hope.
So this evening I felt like hiding, but quickly stopped, prayed and ran right to God. My mind drew me to so many up lifting verses that reminded me of God’s love for me. This mornings’ church sermon came right back to me and then I reread this chapter. I can honestly say that a few weeks ago I would have been overwhelmed, in a bad mood, holding a grudge or beating myself up over it all. It doesn’t really matter what I wanted to hide from, I’ll get over it or solve it and move on. But what doesn’t change is my awesome God who pursued me with His love and strengthen me!!!
Catching up on the posts, and this one stopped me fast. It described me to a T. Running away/escaping has become a bit of a fantasy of mine. But since I can’t, I have lost myself in Netflix, movies, books, and even blogs! (oops). I hide there instead of hiding behind the strength of God. Often times reading the Bible or praying seems too exhausting to me, another task on my to-do list during the baby’s naps. I need to know the God who pursues ME and LOVES me!!
Thanks for this post!!
As I read this I could so relate. My husband gets up between 3-4 am to go to work. Have 2 babies 11 months apart, one of which is not a good sleeper. We homeschool 4 older kiddos. We just finished our 5th move in 4 years so we could care for my dad with leukemia. Yesterday in tears and so tired from being up most the night with a sick baby and kids that argued all day, I honestly wanted to quit. Or at least quit for the afternoon. I used to have a “power hour” every morning but over the last 2 years it has been more miss than hit. I was encouraged to go back and be purposeful in that quiet time. Daily. Thank you for your transparency, encouragement & following your calling.
Suzanne you a full life, filled with people who need you. I know this is a weary place for you. I understand. We all do. Please know that I truly believe the words in this Chapter – we must take these feelings of wanting to run away and run to Jesus with all that we are. It is the only way we will find rest in the midst of the weary.
I am praying for you. So glad you found your way here!