When I was a young girl, my imagination carried me to the future often…where in it, I was a mom to a few precious babies. My home was organized and clean. I dressed my sweet kids in beautiful clothes that smelled of fresh clean laundry. In my imagination, I was the ever patient, creative parenting type. I would use encouraging words, never harsh or provoking ones. I hugged a lot, smiled and laughed often, played games with my children and took them on wild adventures. I was the fun and engaging mom, the always listening intently and never quick to judge kind of mom, the kind whose children came to her to talk openly about anything. Because that’s what happens when you are a “good”mom and can readily access your children’s’ hearts and spirits when they’re troubled. I imagined my children would be filled with joy. They wouldn’t complain or ever use the word “bored”. Their attitudes, behaviors and noble character would reflect the parenting skills of a mother who knew what she was doing. And when the occasional mistake was made or bad choices given in to, this mom would always be forgiving and gracious.
This imaginary measuring stick was something I believed in even right up until our first son was born. And then they placed him in my arms for the very first time and I knew…everything I had believed so naively was based upon MY doing, MY actions and MY character. All of the conjured up expectations and ideals of what Motherhood would look and feel like were based upon one thing….Me. None of my optimism ever included God or His plans for me or my children, not to mention His Love and Grace for us. Holding our tiny baby, I was blindsided by the immediate realization that I could not be the kind of Mom I so desperately wanted to be without completely relying on God.
Once I settled into Motherhood, four times in all, I became a bit more comfortable with my role. After some time went by and I began meeting other Moms, my mind drifted back to that imaginary Mom, my idol…the version of ME that I actually started measuring myself against. And then suddenly, a new feeling emerged. Fear! What if I messed everything up? What if I couldn’t raise my boys to be the sorts of men who followed Jesus? And what about the day to day? How would we ever make it from one day to the next without me feeling like a complete and utter failure every single day?
I felt so vulnerable and afraid. I still do at times. Some days, I catch myself still comparing my life, my kids, even my faith (or lack thereof) to others. I see that mom in the grocery store whose children are quietly chatting with one another as they follow Mom along, even helping her take things off the shelves, while mine are bickering and complaining that I’m not getting the cereal they really want. I see the Mom at the library whose children are reading books together while she peacefully checks out her stack of books. Meanwhile, my crew is disrupting all of the other patrons with their loud voices, semi-wrestling over a coveted book and our youngest is making a break for the front entrance which ends badly as all three of the bigger brothers tackle him to the ground…and now they’re lying in a heap…all eyes on us.
Do you ever feel that way? Like all eyes are on you? I do. Even in the smallest decisions we make, others are watching. I know this, because we do it too, don’t we. We watch others to see what moves they’re going to make. We judge and compare. They judge and compare. But this is what God’s Word says…
I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. Ephesians 3:16-21 (emphasis added: mine)
Did you catch that? The only kind of measuring stick we need to be concerned with is the Holy Spirit kind. It’s the filling to overflowing til our hearts are parenting out of the overflow kind of measure. Anything less than being filled to the measure with God’s Holy Spirit and we are still relying on ourselves and still more likely to compare ourselves with someone else.
This world is filled with all kinds of ways we can see what the next Mom is doing without even leaving the comfort of our own homes. This, too, would be another area where I’ve picked up my imaginary measuring stick. How many times have I hopped online in search of a fun lesson plan or a particular DIY project? Or maybe I was looking for some decorating inspiration or a better way to plan out our meals. Possibly, I was looking for parenting advice or a good book to read. In an of themselves, there is nothing wrong with any of these things, except for when I begin to measure myself against what I see in others online. I will admit that I’ve listened to the lies of the enemy when he suggests that I need to take a good hard look in the mirror because I’m failing.
Satan is so good at watching us very closely when he senses we are feeling vulnerable, not enough, inadequate and lacking confidence. But, thankfully, God is too. We can become very desperate for anything more and better and even just different, if our hearts and minds are left unguarded. I know I don’t want anyone but the Holy Spirit filling me to the measure. He created us to be who we are, not who anyone else is. So, when we are tempted to look around and fear that we’re not what we should be or that we don’t measure up, Moms, we need to replace that mindset with the HOPE that is God.
I think the question we need to ask ourselves is this…What are we measuring ourselves up against?
Is it the world, other moms, the faith of another Christian? Or are we ready to start measuring our thoughts, conversations, actions, reactions and responses against the Word of God? I want to. But, I also know myself…I am one of those people that falls down quickly if I’m not somehow spending time with God constantly. This can prove challenging as a busy Mother, right? So, what does it look like to be in constant fellowship with God? For me, it looks like this: Get up, pray, eat, walk, mess up, pray, do a devotion, pray, spend time with kids, pray, mess up, read my bible, read to the kids, pray, mess up and pray some more….You get the idea. It’s not perfect. And I do my fair share of messing up. I also have my fair share of days where I just choose to sink into my own mess and wallow for a bit. But, no matter how many steps away from God I take, it only ever takes ONE step to get back to Him. That’s Grace!
**********************************************************
Moms, let’s continue to listen for the Voice of God this week. If the Voice we hear does not measure up against the Word of God, then it certainly won’t fill us to overflowing and we can discount it. When that happens, let’s just pray and ask God for His Wisdom and Discernment to know, without a doubt , the difference between His Voice and any other. Praying for you all, sweet ones.
New Challenge!!!
We would LOVE for you to share a photo of how you’re reading Hope for the Weary Mom! Wherever you’re reading, take a photo and share it with us on our Facebook page or on Instagram (using #WearyMom for Instagram). And then we’ll pick a new photo each week throughout the rest of the study to use as our Facebook cover photo.
Yes, this is my copy of Hope…and yes, I like to have my coffee, a cookie and Kleenex with me too. 
Week Three Links:
- Monday – Chapter 3: Stacey’s Video Post
- Wednesday – this post
- To see all of the posts for this study so far, you can view that here.
I am guilty of comparing myself to other moms and my son to other kids. I compare myself both ways–how I am better and how other moms are better. I need to try harder to stop comparing.
Thank you so much Megan for sharing and mamas–be blessed:)
Jennifer, Me too. I really try not to, but it’s in the moments when I am feeling really weak and unsure of what I’m doing when I begin to wonder if maybe I’m doing it all wrong. I start thinking that I’m “less than” somehow and that’s when the thought process of comparing my life with someone elses…and yes, my kids with others, begins. It feels ugly. If we could recognize where our thoughts are heading, THEN I think we’d be able to also hear God’s Voice in the middle of all that comparison shopping.
Thanks Jennifer! Blessings to you too.
My girl crew at the library is a major event, too. My fave trip included my daughter setting off the door alarm on a “fire escape door”. Can I tell the stares nearly did me in. I could not get out of there fast enough. I so wish there was a “loud” library for kids!
Love this verse – and that you remind us to check where we are measuring ourselves. Only. By. Grace.
And the cookie with the book…makes me smile!
Oh, girl. Don’t get me started on the library. NIGHT. MARE.
You are SO not alone, sister!
Stacey & Natalie,
My library whoas are numerous. Practically every time we’re there, an incident occurs. I’m always sweaty and it feels like my blood pressure is through the roof by the time we’re limping out the door. And still we keep going back, because we NEED books. I’m thankful for extremely gracious librarians who’ve probably seen it all and know that Mommas just need books for their kids.
Sweaty & high blood pressure ….:) I so relate. Thank u for sharing. I loved reading this this morning. We are in the middle of moving & I was thinking “this is not Michelle Duggar moving organization! “
Megan,
You touched my heart with your scripture verse today. It’s a verse I used all the time as a teenager in a youth organization.
It’s been years since I’ve read it again. Today, those words were for me! I think the line about God being… “able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine” struck a chord with me. There are so many days when I’ve barely gotten going and already I’m tired and drained. Today I messed up big time with my kids and I was sitting here going, how do I manage to screw up so badly? Then your post was waiting for me.
I think I laughed out loud when I read about your family at the library. Although my family hasn’t wound up in a heap on the floor, I do recall screaming and chasing kids between bookcases while another little one make their way down the stairs to the door. Another instance involved a grocery store manager asking me my kids were okay as they both were on the floor kicking and screaming because I didn’t let them hang on the cart. We’ve all been there. The point being, if only we could put away our measuring stick, even if all eyes are on us. The reality of being a mom is it’s really dirty sometimes, even more so publicly! Those are the stories that make me feel like hey, I’m not alone. It’s okay! Thanks for affirming me as a mom today and helping me see I’m not alone. That’s what I love about this book study! God’s grace be with us all!
Megan, your words are lovely and hit upon a much-needed subject – comparisons. We all do it. Every one of us. And its not from Him.
Thank you for the reminder – love the part about the Holy Spirit being our measuring stick. YES.
Megan- I am much the same as you and everything I never wanted to do, well, I’ve done it, I’ve failed. I am SO hard on myself and I daily and moment by moment need to lean on God for what I need to say and do and how to say and do it. Thank you for your honesty and encouragement! Hugs!!
Pingback: The Comparison Trap « The Purple Buoy
Pingback: How do I Compare? « The Purple Buoy
I needed this reminder! I compare myself too much with other moms, and my kids to other kids! I think wow…who am I, that I think I can not only raise 3 godly kids, but raise them RIGHT, run a home business, and run MOPS at our church that is almost 40 minutes away. The little whispers from Satan, telling me how I am SO not in a position to lead other moms and that so-and-so would do it so much better because she has got it together! Boy does he know how use our weaknesses, or what?
From now on I will (try to) “Listen and obey the voice of truth.” Through me He can do immeasurable things!
Shanna, this is a big one for me too. Satan whispers those doubts that someone else is a better writer, leader, has a better marriage, more fit….the list is never ending, when I step out in Christ. When I’m contently flying under the radar and not using my gifts, Satan is content to leave me alone.
I think you hit on something Megan! Library time is super stressful to me too. My boys like to play doctor with the stuffed animals they have, and there’s nothing quiet about the way they do it!
Your words today really resonated with me friend. I ALWAYS feel like someone is watching me, judging me, looking down on me. There are some reasons for that, but I’ve been working hard for the last few years to get over it, embrace who my boys are, and bask in God’s grace. As long as I go to bed at night feeling His pleasure, it doesn’t really matter if I felt anyone else’s during the day. That’s my goal.
I love this post and everyones’ comments. I have never felt less alone than after starting this study!! I managed to take my boys and a daycare child to a doctor’s appointment today. Luckily the staff was so understanding of the goings on. I get a lot of sympathy from the grocery store too.
I so often feel like everyone is staring at me, judging me, when really we are all in the same boat. I’ve also been reading Stacey’s book “What God Wants You To Know”. It’s fabulous and reminding me daily how much God loves ME!
The verses you shared are great. Every week I’m feeling stronger and better about things. “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13 is one I sing to myself all day long (My 2 year old knows in now too).
Meaghan I’m so glad WGWYTK is encouraging your heart! I’m praying for you!
Wonderful post, exactly what I needed!!
I heard someone on KLove yesterday say, “we are more alike in our weaknesses than our strengths. ” which is why I love this book. So many of the parenting and marriage books just add to my list of what I need to work on, making me feel alone as if I’m the weak link to mothers everywhere, but sharing our struggles & failures and “clumping” is actually quite a relief.
I thought I would share my least favorite. Library memory so far. My two daughters ages 6 & 7 went into the thinned walled bathroom, locked the door & got into a loud argument over who had to go worse and then actual pushing and fighting over the toilet. With me trying to knock on call thru the door to get their attention. Yes…sweaty and high blood pressure, heart beat in my ears kinda morning.